Doubts and Answers about sexuality
18/05/2020 | Catarina Vilela - Mipmed
Doubts and answers about sexuality - part 1
A set of questions about sexuality for a healthier life, aimed at teenagers and adults who want to see clarified doubts, which concern them, in the sexual field.
Learn how to talk about sex with children, what to do when you lose sexual desire, difficulty with erections, menopause, the first time, safe sex, sexual fantasies.
"I didn't bleed… will I still be a virgin?"
"I am 21 years old and I had my first sexual intercourse a short time ago, but I did not bleed. How do I know if I have already lost my virginity?"
Virginity can be interpreted in different ways: it can be the time to have sex for the first time (with penetration), as it can be when bleeding occurs by the physiological rupture of the hymen, a thin elastic membrane that partially covers the entrance of the vagina and that, in most cases, allows menstruation to stop or tampons to enter. Not all women bleed the first time they practice intercourse, which seems to be the case, as, in the practice of some sports or physical activities, the hymen surface may break. Do not worry so much about this issue, but with the pleasure, you can feel in the intimacy of the relationship with your partner. Sooner or later, all women end up breaking the hymen, so let Nature take its course naturally.
"How can I talk about sex with my daughter?"
"I am a single father and my daughter, 13, is already interested in boys. I am concerned because she will start dating someday and I do not know how to approach the topic of sexuality."
It is normal for you to feel uncomfortable talking about sex with your daughter, so try to approach it naturally, as the way you do it will greatly determine how comfortable she will feel asking you questions. Talk to her, explain to her that the changes you are feeling in your body are normal and that it is natural for you to be curious about sexuality, guaranteeing that this is part of the development of any young person. If you are uncomfortable discussing the matter with your daughter, ask a woman you trust to do so, as it is essential that she has adequate guidance at this very important stage of her development. There are good books on sexuality and written for young people, try to buy one and give it as a gift, always making it clear that she can ask you questions if she has them.
"Pregnancy increased my desire ... is it normal?"
"Since I became pregnant I have been more willing to have sex. The desire is so great that I feel strange, and even ashamed to confess my sexual appetite to my husband ...".
It is common for some women to show the greatest interest in sex during the second trimester of pregnancy. So, live this new phase naturally and without worries. Let things flow and do, at a sexual level, whatever you wish, as penetration should only be stopped if uterine bleeding, vaginal or abdominal pain occurs. Try to be relaxed and don't let prejudice interfere with the way you want to live your sex life. Pass on this idea to your husband, as for many men there is a fear of hurting the baby, which is not true.
"Where is the so-called G-spot?"
"I would like to be able to give my girlfriend more pleasure, but I don't know where the so-called G-spot is. Can you help me?"
The G-spot consists of an especially sensitive area that lies behind the front wall of the vagina, between the backs of the pubic bone and the cervix. When stimulated by touch or intercourse, a woman's orgasm can be quite intense. Although there is a discussion about the existence and importance of this 'secret point', it describes a very sensitive area of women in the genital region.
"He has a very big penis and it hurts me, what can I do?"
"I'm 25 years old and I started dating a guy, but he has a very big penis, which causes me pain during sex. I don't know what to do because I like him very much."
The couples I know who are in the same situation as yours, end up using a lubricating gel during sex, as well as trying different positions that don't hurt so much. You can also ask him to be careful during penetration, and put your hand around the penis so that it does not penetrate it so deeply. Talk to him to try some alternatives to help your relationship, surely, with love, you will find ways to adjust the anatomy of each other.
"Will I continue to have erections after a vasectomy?"
"I am 50 years old and my doctor suggested that I have a vasectomy. My wife and I are somewhat afraid, as she is 44 years old and a possible pregnancy will be at risk. We also did not want her to be subjected to a more painful intervention. I'll not be able to get erections after having a vasectomy? "
Vasectomy is a surgical procedure for the planned sterility does not mean it'll be helpless. Vasectomy is, in fact, a minor surgery, which takes between 20 and 30 minutes and is done with local anesthesia, so that there is no pain during the intervention. At that moment, two small cuts are made in the scrotum in order to cut the canal, known as the vas deferens, on each side and the ends are tied. Many male individuals opt for this type of surgery so that their partner is not subjected to a much larger and much more serious operation, called female sterilization. This means that although sperm continue to be produced in the testicles, they are no longer able to travel the way to the penis. However, there is no change in sexual performance.
"Are foreplay really needed?"
"We have had a stable relationship for 5 years. But my wife is constantly asking me to spend more time in foreplay and sometimes she complains that I don't give her enough pleasure."
The answer is yes, foreplay is really sorely missed, especially for women. Therefore, if your wife asks you to do them more often and in a longer time, it is because she needs them to be able to feel aroused, and thus enjoy sexual intercourse completely. Most women need 10 to 45 minutes of stimulation before intercourse in order to reach orgasm. In this way, try to know what satisfies you the most and have no prejudice in satisfying it, because if you do it is guaranteed that you will also feel greater pleasure. For the woman, the sexual act is something more time-consuming and complex than for men, it is also something very intimate, loaded with sentimental value, that is why many women like the partner to show affection, to embrace them, and to excite them before the penetration. In this sense, women place a lot of importance on foreplay, as they are the ones who allow them to reach the degree of arousal necessary to more easily reach orgasm.
We will write more articles on this subject. Follow us!
JUERGENS, Maria Helena Barroqueiro - "Sexual practice - 101 doubts & answers. Everything adolescents and adults need to know for a healthier life". Edições Cofina Media books: 2014. ISBN: 978-989-8562-08-1
About the author: Maria Juergens is a clinical psychologist specializing in Sexology and Rehabilitation Psychology. She has been writing about sexology for 10 years. In this book, you leave practical and effective advice to improve your sex life.