Sexual consultation, doubts and answers - part 1

A collection of questions about sexuality for a healthier life, aimed at teenagers and adults who want to see clarified doubts, which worry them in the sexual field.learn how to talk about sex with children, what to do when you lose sexual desire, the difficulty that erections, menopause, the first time, safe sex, sexual fantasies.

 

 

"I didn't bleed...am I still a virgin?" 

"I am 21 years old and had my first sexual intercourse recently, but I didn't bleed. How do I know if I have lost my virginity yet?" Virginity can be interpreted in different ways: it can be the moment of having intercourse for the first time (with penetration), as it can be when bleeding occurs from the physiological rupture of the hymen, a thin elastic membrane that partially covers the entrance of the vagina and that, in most cases, allows menstruation to come out or tampons to enter. Not all women bleed the first time they have intercourse, which seems to be the case for you, because some sports or physical activities can cause the surface of the hymen to break. Do not worry so much about this issue, but rather about the pleasure you can feel in the intimacy of the relationship with your partner. Sooner or later, all women will eventually break their hymen, so let nature take its course naturally.

 

 

"How do I talk about sex with my daughter?"

 

"I am a single parent and my daughter, who is 13, is already interested in boys. I'm worried because she's going to start dating any day now and I don't know how to approach the topic of sexuality." It is normal to feel uncomfortable talking about sex with your daughter, so try to approach the subject naturally, as how you do so will greatly determine how comfortable she will feel asking you questions. Talk to her, explain to her that the changes you are experiencing in your body are normal and that it is natural to be curious about sexuality, and assure her that this is part of every young person's development. If you don't feel comfortable broaching the subject with your daughter, ask a woman you trust to do so, as it is essential that she has proper guidance at this important stage of her development. There are good books on sexuality written for young people, try to buy one and give it to her as a gift, always making it clear that she can ask you questions if she has them.

 



 

"Pregnancy has increased my desire...is that normal?" 

"Since I became pregnant, I have more desire to have sex. The desire is so great that I feel strange, and even ashamed to confess to my husband my sexual appetite...". It is common for some women to show the greatest interest in sex life during the second trimester of pregnancy. Therefore, live this new phase naturally and without worries. Let things flow and do what you want sexually, because penetration should only be stopped in the event of uterine bleeding, vaginal pain, or abdominal pain. Try to be relaxed and don't let prejudice interfere with the way you want to live your sex life. Convey this idea to your husband, because for many men there is a fear of hurting the baby, which is not true.

 



 

"Where is the so-called G-spot?"

 

"I wish I could give my girlfriend more pleasure, but I don't know where the so-called G-spot is. Can you help me?". 

The G-spot is an especially sensitive area behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. When it is stimulated by touch or sexual intercourse, a woman's orgasm can be quite intense. Although there is debate about the existence and importance of this 'secret spot', it describes a very sensitive area of a woman's genital region.
 



 

"He has a very large penis and it hurts me, what can I do?" 

"I am 25 years old and started dating a guy, but he has a very large penis, which causes me pain during sex. I don't know what to do as I really like him." The couples I know who are in the same situation as yours end up using a lubricating gel during intercourse, as well as trying different positions that don't hurt as much. You can also ask him to be careful during penetration, and put your hand around his penis so that he doesn't penetrate you so deeply. Talk to him about trying some alternatives to help your relationship, and with love you will surely find ways to adjust your anatomy to each other.



 

"After a vasectomy will I still have erections?" 

"I am 50 years old and my doctor suggested that I get a vasectomy. My wife and I are somewhat afraid, as she is 44 and a possible pregnancy will be risky. We also did not wish for her to undergo a more painful intervention. Will I be unable to have erections after having a vasectomy?"

Vasectomy is a surgery for planned sterility that does not mean you will become impotent. Vasectomy is actually a minor surgery, which takes 20 to 30 minutes and is done under local anesthesia, so that there is no pain during the procedure. At this point two small cuts are made in the scrotum in order to cut the canal, known as the vas deferens, on either side and the ends are tied off. Many males opt for this type of surgery so that their partner does not undergo a much larger and more serious operation, called female sterilization. This means that although sperm cells are still produced in the testicles, they can no longer make their way to the penis. However, there is no change in sexual performance.

 


 

"Is foreplay really missed?" 

"We have had a stable relationship for 5 years. But my wife is constantly asking me to take longer in foreplay and sometimes complains that I don't give her enough pleasure."


The answer is yes, foreplay is very necessary, especially for women. So, if your wife asks you to do it more often and longer, it's because she needs it in order to feel aroused, and thus to enjoy sexual intercourse to the fullest. Most women need 10 to 45 minutes of stimulation before intercourse in order to reach orgasm. In this way, try to know what satisfies you the most and don't be prejudiced in satisfying yourself, because if you do this it is guaranteed that you will also feel greater pleasure. For women, the sexual act is something longer and more complex than for men, and it is also something very intimate, loaded with sentimental value, so many women like their partner to show affection, to hug them, and to excite them before penetration. In this sense, women give a lot of importance to foreplay, because it is this that allows them to reach the level of excitement necessary to more easily reach orgasm.

 

 

 

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Inspired from:
JUERGENS, Maria Helena Barroqueiro - "Consultório sexual - 101 dúvidas & respostas. Tudo o que adolescentes e adultos precisam de saber para uma vida mais saudável". Edições Cofina Media books: 2014. ISBN: 978-989-8562-08-1 About the book's author: Maria Juergens is a clinical psychologist specializing in Sexology and Rehabilitation Psychology. She has been writing about sexology for 10 years. In this book she leaves practical and effective advice to improve your sex life.